More Miscellaneous Amusements and
Notable Quotables

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Brian . . . also collects "verbal memorabilia" some of which are offered here for your amusement (!) Remember that the idea is that you send some of your favourites to us :-) This page has less pithy but even more amusing quotes - well, I think so !

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First, an old favourite - which I'm sure I would still think amusing even if my country of origin wasn't England !

Gilbert Harding's effort at filling in his US immigration form:

Q: Is it your intention to overthrow the Government
of the United States by force?

A: Sole purpose of visit.

A few more favourites. Do send us your favourites too - what separates us from the apes is the extent of our ability to steal - oops, I mean share - the ideas of others . . . then maybe I can change the "thought for the week" on my office wall into "thought for the day"!

Old age is the out-patient department of purgatory.
Unknown source..

The trouble with being in the rat race is, even if you win you're still a rat.
Lily Tomlin

Mummy, I didn't break the saucer - I just made a jigsaw out of it!
c/o Kids' Stuff

There is nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.
J.S. Bach

Try not. Do. Or do not.

You've made a happy man feel very old
Terry Thomas in 'The Last Remake of Beau Geste'

When the ocean arrives, the river rules don't apply anymore.
Douglas Adams

From "The New Hacker's Handbook" published in 1989 (1989 - not a misprint!)
1200 bits/sec is usually regarded as the fastest speed possible on an ordinary voice-grade telephone line ... though 2400 b/sec is becoming more common....
Steve Gold

Don't take life too seriously--it's not permanent.
Jerret Sherenco

Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
Announcement on a church notice board

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
English professor, Ohio University.

If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there
Lewis Carroll

On Tuesday at 4pm there will be an ice cream social.
All ladies giving milk please come early.
Another announcement on a church notice board!

If you are getting nowhere fast - SLOW DOWN!
Dani L. Gustavich

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly.
It should be thrown with great force.
From a Dorothy Parker review.

When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the occasional division by zero

Parenthood, like chastity, is its own punishment.
Harry G. Davis

If you lay down with dogs you get up with fleas.
Glenn Schultz

A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Kate Johnson

640K ought to be enough for anybody.
Bill Gates, when creating MS-DOS.

Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.
Popular Mechanics, 1949

I think there is a world market for maybe 5 computers.
Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943

Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Charles H Duell, Commissioner at the US Office of Patents, 1899

Mel Brooks

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   Lesley at    or
Brian at

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